Day 6 - Junior High History

Day 6 – Junior High History
Dec 20

Arrogance thickens the thinnest air,
Leading those to where they shouldn't dare,
Self glorified, they aren't scared,
Soon enough, they will deeply care.


I became arrogant. I had such a good time with physical education that I felt I could do another day in junior high. We'll see how it goes. Maybe it won't be so bad, they're just kids. I'm a man, they're children, I can beat them up. I also have a degree, thus superior wit.

I started the day off right with 4 hours of sleep, some gastrointestinal torture foods, and a non shaven face.

To this point, my set of mind has been not to care too much. There are a lot of schools. If I mess up at one school or class, who cares? I still have all these other schools to make a good impression.

Well, one bad impression here, one bad impression there, they all add up to one big, horrible impression. I also found out that the teachers can and do talk to each other about the substitutes. They tattle tell on me when I do something bad. What a great example to set for their children.

Up to this point I have only been working for the county and not the city. I figured I could practice with all the county schools and then, when I got serious, go substitute for the schools that actually pay their teachers money and not circus peanuts.

It has been 9 days since I last worked. Time flies when you're not working. The problem is that every day that goes by, the more I don't make money and the more I worry about money. This then makes me depressed and less able to work. When I don't work I just sleep all day and worry. My only comfort is prayer and church. Also food, but I try to stray away from that, lest I gain my weight back.

It's five days before Christmas and it doesn't even feel like it. I arrive and park at the wrong school. I walk an extra block to get there. I remember from last time that the elementary school is right by the junior high. I save myself the embarrassment by not asking the office where I am, again.

As I walk to the real office I see the P.E. teacher I met last time, so I talked to him. He said he wanted to take the day off and that he can't wait until Christmas. I told him to get a real job first, then to complain. What would he be doing instead? Standing and talking to his family, instead of standing and talking to his students.

He was a nice guy. I felt that someone cared about me in the school system and that I actually had more of a chance of being hired someday from knowing him.

As I continued my journey to the office I noticed that the fence prevented anyone from entering the school, except through way of the office. I entered daydream mode. A fence is to prevent people from getting in or out. If it was to keep students from getting out, then why would they even come to school at all. They wouldn't leave at lunch because....why would they? They didn't have a car.

It must be to keep people out. I guess they would want to keep out people with guns who want to shoot the children. The fence was easy to climb though, or would the shooter think “I really wanted to kill some kids, but dang that fence!” The problem with that, is the fence itself. It's 10% wire and 90% air. It would be hard to shoot the fence even if you tried. I hope I didn't scare any parents who are reading this.

The fence is good for kidnap reduction. It would be hard to throw the children over it. You'd have to have tag team kidnapping or a little bit of patience. Just follow the school bus and wait until the children get off the bus. How about you just have your own children. Lazy bums.

I finally get to the office and realized that I don't want to be there. I'm tired and my body is cold. My mouth waters from thinking about my bed. I check in at the office and walk to the classroom.

I'm walking and a child looks at me. I get embarrassed and run to my car and drive home..... I look at him and he walks toward me. I say “hello” and “how it's going.” He says “hi” and “good.” I say “good” and “bye.” I feel special, he feels special. I then look at everyone in a manner which would give the notion that I knew them, just in case I was supposed to.

I find the room and open it after trying the key 7 times 70. I get in there and look for the lesson plans, they aren't there. The whole room is a pile of papers. I mess them up even more because I'm worried. I was told in the office that the teacher would bring the lesson plans. I wasn't reassured. It was 3 minutes until the bell rang.

The bell rings, no teacher, no lesson plans. I plan to call in a bomb threat and put some dynamite in the desk drawer. The students then arrive and I'm trying to think of a lesson plan. I guess I could play heads up 7 up for six hours straight.

(This sucks..........booooooo........is what they would do.)

The students arrive and I'm just looking at them. They ask where their teacher is and I say, I wish I knew. I really really wish I knew. They think that I'm related to him because I have the same muscle/fat combination. He finally shows up and I have a sigh of relief. No knuckle sandwich this time. His face isn't shaved either and I feel even more sighed and relieved.

He tells me that I'm going to watch the grinch in each period and that they need to finish their work from the day before. I was like, “yessss!” He showed me the roll for each class. He turns on the computer to print the lesson plan. He forgets to log off as he leaves. Double yess, I now have internet all day. Happiness increases 5 fold.

He is puzzled why the class is being so rowdy and tells me that they are usually really well behaved and quiet. I didn't want to tell him that I had magical powers that made children become five times more disobedient in my presence. He kept telling me how strange it was that his class was so loud, especially first period. I told him to just shush the heck up and leave.

I played The Grinch and Horton Hears a Who six or seven times during the day. Every class had two groups of people, the ones who didn't want to watch it and the ones who did. The ones that didn't were the trouble makers.

During each period, I would go on the internet and look up the news. I read every news article on the internet. I never read so much news. I then read the comics. I read two months worth of Dilbert. I tried to make no facial expression as I did, because I didn't want the youth to know what I was doing.

I was bored.......I couldn't resist.......I needed to play a game. It was just too tempting. What was the big deal anyway. As long as I did my job, which was showing The Grinch and making sure that no one was punching each other, then it wasn't immoral. I decided to look up a flash game called aggressive alpine skiing. It is a really fast paced game with an electronic disco-like song to it. I was going to play it and there was nothing that was going to stop me.

They had a filter. I couldn't access the site. It hurt. The filter also said that it was a gaming/pornography site. I said, “uh oh. No it's not!” Then I became paranoid. They log every site you visit and if it comes back that I was trying to look up porn at school I would get fired and then jailed. Yes jailed.

I was reading a news article (remember how I read the whole internet) about how a pop up occurred on a teachers computer that was porn and she wass facing jail time. You can't expose youth to it. Only older people are allowed to poison their minds, so they can never have a fulfilling relationship, and put their souls in danger of hell.

I decided not to worry about it too much. It was filtered anyway, so I'd probably only get fired. I take firings like Marshmellow Peeps on Easter. Five at a time.

Every period had a group of youth that were the trouble makers. Every class also had someone that wanted to help me take roll. It went like this:


Me: “Is desire here, I have a desire to know if you're here or not?”
Them: “It's dezeray!!
Me: “Seein? Seein anyone here with that name?!”
Sean: “It's Sean, man”
Girl: (giggle) “Oh my goshhhh”
Me: “Cherry L, I like cherrys”
Cheryl: “What the heck! It's Cheryl”
Boy: “I'll do it for you, I know EVERYONE”
Me: “No, I like it”
Boy: “No, for real, I can do it real quick”
Me: “How about you be quiet and sit down.... real quick?”
Boy: “Oh, come on, you're a hater.”

I hate that word if that's what he meant. I was done with roll and then went and read another website. Class was over and it was my prep period. I called my mom to tell her that I was having a good day. No one else in my phone list was awake or not doing anything. I was really really tired. I decided I would take a nap. I only had the window to watch out for, but I should be able to pull it off, unless someone explicitly looked in and at the ground. What are the chances?

I was on the ground for a good thirty minutes. It felt sooooooooo goood and sneaky. To sleep while on the job has been my lifelong ambition. I was basically under my desk and I felt like George on Seinfeld. I didn't have an alarm clock though.

Well, the door opens while I'm on the ground and I'm like “ohhhh crap, I had this one coming.” I think fast. I try to stand up in a way that would make it seem like I was picking something up off of the ground, while sitting in a chair. I was hoping, whoever it was, that they weren't too important of a person.

She sees me and I try to look as awake as possible. I catch her off guard and she tells me that she thought no one was in here. It turns out she was just a helper in another room. I'm sure she told some teachers about my little nappy poo. I can't imagine what would have happened if I was in a deep sleep. She would have thought I needed an ambulance. Then the secretary would have said “I see you didn't survive the day.” Dang that secretary!

Why? This isn't a show. Why did someone have to walk in on me? That happens on tv, not in real life. The nap was worth it though.

In one of my classes there was a demon girl. She was insulting some boy really bad. She said she was going to go egg his house and shoot him. Plus she said all these racist remarks. The girl right by her said that this happened everyday and that the boy never did anything to her. I was like, oh my gosh. I said I was going to have to suspend her if she didn't stop. I told her that she could be causing columbine again if she kept making fun of the boy everyday. I'm not sure how the student took my remark. That I was making him seem like a serial killer, but at least I was trying to help.


Another girl had a tear drop drawing by her eye.


I said “Are you sad?”
Her: “What?”
Me: “Why are you sad?”
Her: “What do you mean?”
Me: “You have a tear on your eye.”
Her: “Ha ha, ohhh, no it's emo.”


She then started asking me all these questions about where I lived and what I wanted to be. Her friend said she was being a stalker. She then somehow made it cool to be a stalker (occasion spinner). She loved the attention I guess.


I went to go read some more news. Two girl students approached my desk.
I said: “yesssss?”
Her: “I need to go to the bathroom.”
Me: “Go right ahead......let me guess, you need a team of women to escort you?”
Her: “Yes I do”
Me: “ok good, the more people that leave the better.”


Other girl approaches:


Me: “Yes, can I help you?”
Her: ...........
Me: “Ya, you, what do you need?”
Her: ...........
Me: “uhh...........”


What is going on.......She pointed to her hand. It said “I love you.”

I instantly zoned out. It was just unbelievable. If only I could harness, whatever I did, to make someone my age like me that fast. I only knew her for 30 minutes and she already loved me. I was flattered, but also disgusted and saddened. She needs help. I feel like she's not going to stay unpregnant for very long, not to judge or anything. I prayed for her. I turn red just thinking about it.

I wasn't tempted in anyway, just in case you're wondering. I'm not sure how anyone would be.


It was now time for my last period.


One more grinch,
one more class,
who needs the bathroom
come get a hall pass.

The clock struck one,
the clock struck two,
I went through the worst class,
where a girl said “I love you.”

A kid was getting rowdy,
I said wowwy
"Can I use my cell phone"
Not until you go home

"Pretty please, pretty please"
If you beg on your knees
then make me a sandwich
with salomy and cheese


He convinced me soon,
twas far past noon
he sat in the corner
of the mid-sized classroom


He talked and he chattered
asked whomever, “what's the matter?”
I said, “that's not your mom”
He thought, he was, the bomb


He finally hung up
with a love you to “mom”
He sat back in his chair
daydreaming, smiling, with ne'er a care


Golly, how long do you think I can keep this up?