The sub is back, holy smack

Substituting Severely Handicapped children for a school that is on the edge of the county.

Well, we all know the story. I don't go to bed in time and I wake up feeling like silage from a 3rd world country. I went to bed at midnight, but didn't get to fall asleep until 3 am. Then I woke up at 5 am to go walk around and pray. I wanted to be awake a little before I ate, so that my stomach could digest.

I ate breakfast though. I bought sausage sandwiches that look the size of a burger on the box, but are the size of a half dollar. I never felt so ripped off before. They were sooooo small..... =(.

I ate two of them, but the toilet was hungrier, so like a bird to its nestlings, I transfered the food from my body to the toilet. What a poetic way of saying I threw up? It's a lie though, I didn't throw up.

I was feeling scared but this song by Jars of Clay - Dead Man, came on. It sounded so retro. The lyric chorus went like this..... "So carry me, I'm just a dead man, lying on the carpet, can't find a heartbeat...make me free, don't want to be a new man....something else" (This is where I keyword spam, so I'll get a good ranking in google.)

So I arrived there and didn't know where to go. I was a little late. I couldn't find the class so I asked a teacher if this was the right classroom. I said is this special handicap...............is this severely handicapped (I was tired remember?)
---No this is headstart, the severely handicap is over there...oh let me show you, poor guy........(walking)........my name is tommy.

"""What? I thought you were a girl?""""
---I am a girl----
"""Then why do you have a guy name?"""

I daydream so much that I'm lucky I don't say things to embarrass myself too much.

There were a couple things that a worthy of talking about that happened in my day.

The Water Obsession
For some reason the main assignment for all the kids was to drink water. Every hour they were commanded to drink a cup of water. I asked them if they were too unintelligent to realize they were thirsty or something.

They said "Noooo, they just are hooked on juice and we need to train them to like water."
Me: "Why do the parents retrain them back on juice when they get home?"
Her: "They're completely oblivious"
Me: "As are you"

Do you know how painful it is to see the kids try to drink a cup? It's like watching someone hold a firecracker over a flame. Are they going to drink it or is it going to go all over their shirt! Watch the suspense.

Blind Children

There were two blind children in the class. It was also picture day. So I got to go down and wait for them to take their picture. The camera girl was getting a little upset at the teachers. She commanded that the child look at the camera during the shoot. "He's blind! That's the best you're gonna get!" Was her response.

I checked to see if he really was. You know I had to. I wanted to be the person that discovered that the child wasn't really blind! And then I could somehow figure out what his problem was and fix it. That didn't happen.

My test wasn't that effective anyway. I just snapped my fingers in front of his face. He was blind alright. He didn't even grab at my candy. No kid has the will power to resist that.

Alphabet time
This part of my day almost gave me motion sickness. The especially handicapped child had to get all the letters of the alphabet in a row. From A-Z, without me helping them. Then he would get to have a froot snak!!!!! and puter!!! After he tried for ten minutes, he forgot what his reward was, but that's not important. He would say the whole alphabet up to the letter that was next to put on the letter line. So it went like this.

A....b......c.......d...................I need an E!
a....b.......c......d........e...........I need an F!
a....b.......c......d........e....f......I need a G!

The whole way to z. But that's not all. When he messed up, he would start all the way over again. But that's not all. He mixed the q the p the m, the n, the f.....I had to cover my mouth to prevent myself from talking. But is that all? NO. When he got to Y!??? He started the whole alphabet over again. Yes....with 1 letter left. Oh my gosh....what a reee.....

That's all I got folks.